Supreme Goddess Lorena's Advice:
A man often loses confidence when he feels he cannot please a
Woman. The average man likes knowing that he can protect and look
after his Woman so if She seems to be unhappy, discontented, or
dissatisfied with his efforts then he is quick to assume that
he is not capable of pleasing Her anymore and he may decide to
leave the relationship. (It does not help matters when most men
do not like admitting fault or wrong since that again makes him
feel inadequate. he would much rather know that it is an outside
problem that he can actually fix). Though relationships breaking
up is most often just due to a lack of communication. Marriages
of the good olde days were not able to end in a divorce so both
parties had to try to MAKE it work. However, both sexes communicate
quite differently. Women like to vent by talking about their problems
but men prefer not to talk about it and to just fix the problem.
So if She comes across as complaining about something to him and
She does not want to listen to his advice, or She continues to
complain no matter what solution he uses to fix the problem, then
he sees the relationship as a no win situation (There is
that word which Women hate). So there you have it. Both need to
communicate with one another but they seem to be from opposite
planets when it comes to how they communicate. But still
they must try to find a way so it helps if they both try
to learn and understand how the other's brain works and thinks
so that there are not so many unnecessary misunderstandings.
Now, some submissive males often lack confidence and self
esteem to begin with. he is most often the shy man who would not
know if a Woman liked him unless She walked right up to him and
said, "Do you want to take Me out sometime?" Even then
he may still not believe that She really means it because he is
shy, timid, may at times get called a "pussy" by his
fellow man, and he lacks motivation (he may find it hard to get
a high level position in the workforce). Not to say that some
real submissive men (not selfish fetish seekers and switches)
do not sometimes have a career that is quite opposite to his submissive
nature (his submissive side which he allows to show through when
he is in the company of his Mistress) but on average the general
submissive male is a shy fragile creature and his job, home, lifestyle,
and social life (or lack of) shows this. To give an example of
just how timid and unconfident some submissive males are, if a
Woman got upset at him and told him "Get out! I never want
to see you again!" he might very well take it quite seriously
and walk out never to return again. he would even do the same
if it was a Mistress saying it because he would obey Her no matter
what She said (if he is a true submissive and he wholeheartedly
wanted to please Her).
So what does all this have to do with the question? Quite simply
this. The slave must know that his life should be dedicated to
serving his Owner and so he should never leave Her side unless
he knows She really does want him to. No matter how upset She
is or how dissatisfied She seems to be, he should always just
try harder to please Her. Again, communication is the most important
element in any relationship. men have a hard time putting
their thoughts and feelings into words, not to mention the right
words. But to keep both people in a relationship happy, one
must learn how to talk to the other person about their feelings.
On the other side of the equation, the Woman in the relationship
(in this situation, the Mistress) must understand that Her slave
may be very sensitive, that he most likely is very sincere in
wanting to please Her (and probably more than he can sometimes
show), and that he will leave if he feels he can do no right.
Knowing this, She must be more lenient at times than others, be
understanding of his outside pressures (career, family, etc),
and give him time off to himself so that he can reach a conclusion
without any outside interference (nagging and scolding included).
The long and the short of it is that both people most likely want
to be in the relationship but together they need to make it last
and to make sure that both of them are fulfilled and happy. Though
the slave should remind himself that he has more responsibility
in doing that because it was he who wanted to be Her slave and
he did in fact sign a contract agreeing to serve Her no matter
what. So he must live up to those words otherwise he would be
dishonest, insincere, wasting Her valuable time, and he could
offend Her by not doing as he had promised to do. It may also
be a good idea for him to hang a copy of the contract on his wall
and to read it on a regular basis to instill in his mind what
he had wanted and agreed to.
Copyright © 2001, 2002, 2003 Supreme
Goddess Lorena, All Rights Reserved.
Goddess Alison's Advice: "I gotta say if he signed his contract
he should stand by it. he did offer to be Her slave right?
Well then he should live by it!! I guess maybe he thinks this
isn't for him but he should've thought of that before getting
Her involved you know. It's not so great to ask serve a Woman
and to change your mind about it. Maybe you two can work it out
if you tell Her how you feel. But really I think you should stay
put and listen to what She says. Because your owner knows best."
Goddess Diana's Advice: "A sub should always confide
his innermost feelings to his Goddess, so that she can reassure
him long before it gets to be a problem."
Lady Kyla's Advice: "A slave must always remember
his place. When you make a commitment to a Mistress, you must
stick to it no matter how much confidence you lack. Ask your Mistress
what more you can do to please Her! I hate it when men lack the
confidence to continue serving a Woman and so they just run away
and hide. your number one focus in life should be to serve your
Mistress. Unless your Mistress decides you are too much trouble
or She no longer wants you as Her slave, you should devote your
life to Her and see to it that She is happy. A slave, and all
men in general should learn to understand Women more. Women and
men behave very differently and this is something that I think
all slaves should study. Read books about Women's behavior and
emotions and you will be more readily prepared to serve your Mistress.
Learn about what makes Women "tick" and really teach
yourself to recognise the behavior patterns of Women. Pay attention
to the needs of your Mistress. OBEY Her commands and try to stay
one step ahead of Her needs if and when possible. I think the
main thing is for a slave to prevent the feeling that he cannot
properly serve his Mistress by never allowing himself to forget
his place. Books like "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From
Venus" are a good resource. Goddess Lorena and Her book "Femaria,
City of Women" is also a good resource. Leaving your Mistress
because of your feelings of inadequacy is selfish to say the least.
As a slave, your first responsibility is to devote yourself to
your Mistress. So if you get to the point where you are feeling
that you would like to be dismissed, talk to your Mistress, read
books about Women, make a real effort to renew the feelings you
had when you first became a slave."
Lady Christine's Advice: "The submissive should take
heart from the fact the his Owner has chosen him possibly over
a great many others and that if She was really displeased with
him She would not keep him. The fact that he remains in Her service
and continues to be given the honor and privilege of serving Her,
means that She must have confidence in him. It is understandable
that he will have doubts about his own abilities when he is being
continually corrected but he should realize that his continual
correction is to enable Her to get better service and more pleasure
from him and that She is really doing him a great favor by
training and disciplining him. And when She has had a really bad
day and is really picky and critical of everything that he does
and gives him a good beating, he should remember that he is providing
Her with a very valuable service helping Her relieve Her frustration
and anger. If he has truly handed his life over completely, body
and soul, to Her and he is always grateful for everything She
does and he always trusts in Her judgement then there is no room
for self doubt. And if in spite of this, he stills wants to leave
Her, let him consider what he will definitely be losing rather
than what he thinks he might be gaining."
worshipper slave tom s.'s Advice: "The key to any
long term relationship is 'commitment'. In any marriage, there
are stretches of time where the husband and wife fail to enjoy
the situation that they have placed themselves in. You always
start out in love but things change over time because people can
change over time. This can create mental stress as the partners
grow apart or lose the feelings that they had for each other.
However, these feelings aren't always permament. In fact, they
usually lead to an even closer understanding of each other as
the partners learn more about themselves and their willingness
to find common ground. Commitment, for me, is defined as 'keeping
your vows during the period of time when you don't really feel
like you love the other person'. For me, i can speak from experience
that my wife and i had some terribly troubling times. We grew
apart but with time, commitment, and a great big helping hand
from what i learned through Goddess Lorena's Training Program,
i was able to be a better husband for my Wife and she responded
as lovingly as one would expect a Superior Female to respond.
i know that marriages are NOT the same thing as 24/7 slavery but
despite all the role playing, the fact of the matter is that it
is a long term relationship between two committed human beings.
Therefore, even in a lifestyle like that, the slave is never fully
able to give up their free will entirely so there will be moments
when he will want to quit and give up. That is where Goddess Lorena's
wisdom about "vanilla time" makes so much sense. She
taught me about the fact that as i served Her She understood that
there would be times when i need some time for myself. She understood
that and accepted it. 'Vanilla time' will allow the slave to calm
down his hurt feelings and bring home the realization that his
Goddess really does understand and care for him. Eventually, he
will probably do what i did and realize just how much he loves
his Goddess and cannot live without Her. At that point, he will
have his 'batteries recharged' and should be able to resume his
place at Her feet. Besides, any slave that isn't smart enough
to realize that he belongs at his Goddess' feet after some time
to reflect, shouldn't have the right to call Her his Owner! Long
Live The Supreme Goddess, Goddess Lorena, Boss of Goddess Club
and Queen of Femaria!"
worshipper slave bruce's Advice: "A slave's greatest
fear is that he will not be able to please his owner. he must
remember at all times that when his owner gets upset with him
and chastises or punishes him for his shortcomings, She is doing
it for his own good so he will remember to better serve Her in
the future. It can be frustrating for the slave when he feels
he is letting his
owner down, but he must also remember that if his owner felt he
would be of no use to Her or that he didn't have the potential
to be a good slave, She would not have taken ownership of him
in the first place. he must always remember that his feelings
are secondary to those of his owner and he should only care about
doing the best he can to please Her and make Her life easier.
he also should know that it is not his choice to ever break a
slave contract. If he feels like he is truly worthless and not
an asset to his Mistress, he should sit down with Her and together
they can go over what things he needs to improve upon to make
himself into the kind of slave who will serve his Superior Female
owner and make Her proud to have him in Her stable."
worshipper slave x.j.'s Advice: "This statement assumes
that a break up is a bad thing, but i believe that some things
were not meant to last. Staying in a relationship means that both
parties must be willing to compromise. If the relationship is
falling
apart then the Mistress and slave should have an open heart to
heart discussion about what is wrong and see if each other's needs
are being met.
If the slave wants to leave, and the Mistress does not want him too, then it is the Mistress that must take steps to correct the situation.
Here is one set of steps that might be
taken:
1) The Mistress must sit the slave down and ask him to speak openly.
Why does he wish to leave?
2) Are his fetishes being met? This is usually the number one reason that a slave leaves.
3) The Mistress needs to find out what a slaves fantasizes about and then use that knowledge against him. This can be done by interogating the slave and "forcing" him to tell Her what he desires in a Mistress. Then the Mistress can use this knowledge against him. For example, if the slave craves bondage, She can make sure the he is tightly bound before She goes to bed. The slave's fetish must be used by the Mistress to control him. Few slaves leave, if their fetish needs are being met.
4) The Mistress must not expect perfect behavior from a slave. If the slave does something wrong, She must punish him and train him until his behavior improves.
5) The Mistress must realize that some slaves are not worth owning. If a person wants to leave then there is nothing that can make them stay. The Mistress should realize that for every slave there are a hundred that could take his place.
A Mistress and slave must be compatible. Just because two people are into S&M or B&D does not make them compatible. Mistress/slave relationships can break up just as easily as a Vanilla relationship.
In the end, if one of the two people
give up, the relationship will come to an end."
worshipper slave roger k.'s Advice: "At first, especially
if you're a novice, you may not be the best slave in the world.
your Owner will want more from you, She definitively wants you
to please Her. As in everything else, dedication and hard work
will pay off and you'll eventually become better at pleasing your
Goddess, especially if you have a good relationship with Her.
Of course it's much easier to give up instead of making the necessary
efforts to become a worthy slave. Life nowadays is becoming much
easier to live, however your life as a slave will not be that
easy and you better prepare for it before embarking blindly for
such a great destination or you might never arrive."
worshipper slave danny k.'s Advice: "This is a tough
subject to write about. There are many ways to approach this problem,
and as many views about how to address this subject. Each Owner/slave
relationship has different circumstances and a different set of
personalities, making a universal solution virtually impossible.
However, there are some general thoughts that can make each individual
Owner/slave solution more visible. i can only address this subject
with a slave's point of view, as that's all i am, is a slave.
First, look at the relationship you are
in and how you got there. As a submissive, you submitted yourself
to the Domme, to honor, serve, and please Her at all times for
the rest of your life. The D/s relationship grew as She trained
you and taught you how to be Her slave, and how to serve and please
Her. Once you were trained, you signed a contract, surrendering
yourself to
Her for life, to be Her loyal, faithful, obedient, caring, protective,
and dedicated slave. Now think about this, why did you sign the
contract and submit it to Her? Simple, because it gave you what
you wanted, a Woman you could serve and please for life, who accepted
you as Her slave.
Second, look at the reality of life. There is no such thing as the perfect relationship. People are different, have different personalities, needs, desires, and feelings. For any relationship, be it a marriage, job, or political, adjustments to these must be made in order for the relationship to be successful and lasting. When the adjustments have been made and accepted, we get the best reward possible, happiness, which is what everyone strives for in life.
Third, remember it is impossible to be the best at all things. No one person can be the best at all things, and this is very true of male slaves. It's a fact of life. Remember too, being inferior to Women is not an insult, it is a fact of life. Because of these facts, you will at times fail to some degree to please your Owner. In many cases, this is why Dommes have more than one slave, because She knows that different slaves will serve Her better at a certain task than other slaves. She deserves the best, so She will use the best slave for the task. This doesn't mean She has rejected you, or doesn't want you, She is just getting the service She deserves, the best from the right slave. If you think about it, this is what you want too, your Owner to be pleased.
With all this in mind, there are times when a slave will fail to please his Owner, and will feel disappointed, sad, and worthless. How you deal with these feelings is important. A phrase comes to mind, 'A quitter never wins, and a winner never quits.' Leaving, defaulting on your contract, will ultimately make you a loser. No longer will you have what you wanted to begin with, a Woman to serve and please, but your feelings of sadness, being worthless, and disappointment will deepen. The worst part, you will have added tremendous displeasure for your Owner, not to mention possible anger and Her total rejection of you. So, what is the best way to deal with the situation?
Remember how you feel when She is pleased
with you or your service. Think about how and why you came about
to be Her Owned slave, and how happy you were to become Her accepted
and owned slave, and were a winner. Do you really want to throw
this all away, or is there a way that you can be better and correct
your failure by making some small adjustment in your
personality, or by understanding your mistake and learning to
be better? Making a personality adjustment is easy if you realize
and accept the idea that you are now the happiest you can be,
now that you are owned, and serving a wonderful Woman who is,
more often than not, pleased by your slavehood to Her. If this
wasn't true, She wouldn't have accepted your contract. If you
made a mistake, and failed to serve Her properly, displeasing
Her, you can easily correct this too. Beg Her forgiveness, and
beg Her to correct you and tell you how you can serve Her better
next time. Accept Her punishment willingly for displeasing Her,
because this will give Her relief from the stress, be it from
being improperly served or from your personality flaw, and this
will give Her pleasure and show your sincerity and devotion. Listen
to everything She tells you, and pay attention, so you
will understand how to please Her next time. And remember to always
try your absolute best to serve Her in whatever way She requires
of you."
Copyright © 2001, 2002 Goddessclub.com, All Rights Reserved.
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