by trainee slave eddie p.
Video: Humiliation
i have been in training in Goddess Lorena's worshipper training program since April 2000 (it is now September). Since then, i have written essays and tests on Her articles in Goddess club and on Her training cassettes "Meet Goddess Lorena," "How to Worship a Goddess," and "Humiliation." i have given Her my sincere feelings on Female Supremacy and on my own submission and opened myself up to Her for Her scrutiny.
While i have some knowledge based on my prior independent learning about Female Supremacy and the D/s lifestyle, i am far from being an ideal trainee and potential slave. Any prior knowledge i may have has not prepared me enough yet for serving Goddess Lorena properly or for a potential 24/7 lifestyle relationship.
The reason why i am not ready to be a 24/7 slave yet and i have still not passed Her worshipper training program is because i am often late in handing in my assignments, and i don't make very good use of my free time. i realize that my free time is really not mine but Hers. Still, living in another country so far away from Her, i sometimes feel selfish. i waste Her time by walking around window shopping or doing my silly internet stuff and not doing the things She has ordered me to do. i am very inefficient sometimes. my work schedule is heavy, but this situation has improved because i can now do e-mail at work.
Goddess Lorena is very loving, nurturing, understanding, and wise. i have learned, and i can see, that all Women have the instinct for nurturing and for taking care of Their charges. A Teacher, Trainer, Mother, Babysitter, or other strong Female influence shows these qualities. Goddess Lorena shows these many qualities in Her relationship with Her trainees and slaves. Perhaps the most important value She has taught me so far is responsibility.
Goddess Lorena teaches Her trainees all they need to know about Female Supremacy, including why they must behave in the proper ways, be obedient, be respectful, be reverent, be unquestioning, not have their own opinions, and turn over their income, possessions, and lives to Her. Submission is absolute, and once a male makes the choice to submit to a Dominant Woman, he can't go back to his old manly ways and try to "top from the bottom." males are, by their birth, at the bottom in every regard, so if they commit this sort of act in disobedience, in my viewpoint, they can only try.
Goddess Lorena is firm and completely in control of Her trainees and slaves. Every time i make a mistake or do something too slowly or don't do something very well, Goddess Lorena chides me. She makes sure i stay where i should be - on the bottom. i don't fear Her personally, but i do fear displeasing Her and potentially losing Her favor altogether. She is my Goddess, my Deity. i love Her dearly, and i have a great reverence for Her.
Recently, i failed in an assignment to find Goddess Lorena something She had wanted me to find for Her. She gave me a stern warning not to disappoint Her again. When i read the stern e-mail message from Her, i felt scared and nervous. i also felt guilty and sad because i had done it again. A few minutes after i sent Her my response (from the other side of the world), i got Her response. i was amazed because it came so soon, and i was nervous because i realized that She is really not so far away.
In Her article, "The Difficulties of Being a slave", Goddess Lorena describes how an Owner, Dominant Wife, or Dominant Girlfriend must continually make demands of Her submissive in order to improve him in his service to Her and, thus, improve the relationship. Her comfort and pleasure are the important things here. It's the same with punishment, as She describes in "Fighting in a D/s Lifestyle Relationship." If he does something beautiful for Her one week and then misbehaves or disobeys Her the next week, She has every justification to punish him - mercilessly if She sees fit. She is showing Her love for him by making him a better slave who will please Her the next time. Her happiness is the key to happiness in the relationship. If he can improve in his service to Her, then the highest purpose has been served.
i have a habit of doing clever things on the Internet but i realize that even if i send Goddess Lorena 10,000 roses in e-mails or on internet pages, it is not equal to serving Her in the best ways i can or obeying Her directly. When She chides me and gives me a warning, it gives me a great fear, and i resolve to do better the next time. i know i can do better, and i am very thankful that She cares so much about me to continually make demands of me.
trainee slave eddie p.
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